Even without a postpartum mood disorder, given the biochemical changes you’ve been subjected to and are still experiencing, plus the huge life change, you’re likely to experience intense ups and downs as you adjust to your new life.

–Shoshana S. Bennett

Doesn’t that quote just hit differently when you’re living it?

Even if you’re not navigating postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, or another perinatal mental health challenge, postpartum is hard. Full stop. For many of us, myself included, it’s a season of survival, of white-knuckling through the minutes and hours of days that look nothing like the life you knew before becoming a new mom.

I remember the intrusive thoughts that arrived without warning, an irrational, relentless fear of falling down the stairs while holding my baby, even though our house didn’t have a single stair. I remember an exhaustion so deep it lived in my bones, the kind that no amount of caffeine touched, the kind that’s nearly impossible to describe unless you’ve been there yourself. I remember feeling like I was just getting through it, surviving the next feed, the next diaper change, the next hour, not thriving, not glowing, not any of the things I thought new motherhood was supposed to look like for me.

I remember the isolation that crept in during those late-night feedings, the unsettling feeling of being the only person awake in the entire world. And then there was the grief, quiet, unexpected, and completely unacknowledged, grief for my old self, for my pre-baby relationship with my husband, for spontaneous plans and full nights of sleep. Grief for the version of me that no longer existed. The kind of grief that nobody warned me about, and that nobody seemed to think was okay to talk about either.

So, let’s talk about it.

This blog is for you, the new mom in the thick of it. We’re going to cover:

• Why it’s so hard to actually rest in postpartum
• The foundational self-care needs your body and mind are asking for right now
• Practical physical self-care ideas you can actually use in your everyday life

There’s no pressure here. Take what resonates with you, and leave what doesn’t. You’re doing the best you can, and I bet you’re doing better than you think.

Why It’s So Hard to Relax in Postpartum

Before we even get to self-care strategies, let’s name the real barrier: relaxing in postpartum feels almost impossible for most moms. And there are very real reasons for that. If any of the following feel familiar, you’re not lazy, you’re not weak, you’re normal.

• You feel like your mom duties are never done. Because honestly? They aren’t. There will always be one more thing. But “done” is a myth, and waiting for it before you rest means you never will.
• Fear that if you don’t do it, no one will. This one runs deep. The invisible mental load of motherhood often falls entirely on you, and the thought of letting something slip is terrifying.
• There’s too much to do and not nearly enough time to do it all. Between feeding schedules, appointments, household tasks, and visitors, time to breathe can feel genuinely nonexistent.
• The constant feeling that you’re failing somewhere. If you rest, the laundry piles up. If you do laundry, you’re not napping when the baby naps. There’s no winning, and that feeling is exhausting in its own right.
• Everyone else’s needs consistently come before your own. Baby, partner, other kids, family expectations, your needs end up at the bottom of a very long list.
• Discomfort with asking for help. Whether it’s not wanting to seem like you can’t handle it, not wanting to burden others, or simply not trusting that anyone will do it right, asking for help is harder than just doing it yourself. Until it isn’t.
• Wanting everything finished before you allow yourself to rest. This is the trap: rest is only earned once everything is done, and everything is never done.
• Not trusting others to be truly helpful. If someone offers to help and you spend the whole time supervising or redoing it later, it doesn’t feel like help at all.
• Believing that rest isn’t productive. Our culture glorifies busyness and hustle. Choosing rest can feel indulgent or selfish, even when your body is desperately depleted.
• The pull toward perfectionism. Not just wanting things done, but wanting them done the right way. Perfectly folded onesies. The ideal feeding schedule. A spotless kitchen. Perfectionism in postpartum is a recipe for burnout.

What would you add to this list? Every experience is valid.

Basic Self-Care Needs in Postpartum

Self-care in postpartum doesn’t have to be a spa day or a whole morning to yourself (though if you can swing it, please do). At its core, self-care starts with meeting the basic needs your body is working hard to ask for, needs that are incredibly easy to neglect when you’re surviving on broken sleep and running on fumes.

Here are the foundations:

• Staying hydrated-more than you think you need. If you’re breastfeeding, your hydration needs increase significantly. Dehydration can also amplify fatigue, brain fog, mood swings, and headaches. Keep a large water bottle within arm’s reach at every feeding spot in your home. Make it a non-negotiable.
• Gently moving your body when you’re ready. This is not about “bouncing back” or exercise in the traditional sense. Gentle movement like a slow walk outside, some light stretching, postpartum yoga. They can increase circulation, boost mood-regulating endorphin, and help your nervous system shift out of fight-or-flight. Always get clearance from your provider first, especially after a C-section or complicated birth.
• Meaningful social support. Human connection is not a luxury in postpartum; it’s a biological need. Isolation compounds every other difficulty. This doesn’t have to be a big social event; it can be a text thread with a friend who checks in, a postpartum support group (online or in-person), or a neighbor who drops off food without expecting a conversation. Try your best to let people in.
• Protecting sleep as fiercely as possible. Yes, I know, you’re probably laughing at this one. Sleep deprivation is one of the most brutal parts of new parenthood, and it affects everything: emotional regulation, physical healing, immune function, mental clarity. The advice to “sleep when the baby sleeps” can feel impossible, but even short rest periods matter. If you can share overnight shifts with a partner, a family member, or a postpartum doula, try to do it without guilt.
• Eating enough and eating regularly. Skipping meals because you never got a free hand is extremely common and extremely hard on your body. Postpartum recovery, breastfeeding, and the sheer energy output of caring for a newborn all demand proper fuel. Think: easy, nourishing foods you can eat one-handed. Ask people who want to help to bring food, not flowers. Protein, healthy fats, complex carbohydrates, and whole foods to stabilize your mood and energy can be far better and more helpful than caffeine and crackers.

What would you add to this list?

Physical Self-Care Ideas for Postpartum

Sometimes you need a starting point. Here are some tangible, accessible ideas for caring for your body and mind during postpartum. They range from five seconds to an hour, depending on the amount of time you have:

• Schedule and attend your postpartum checkup. Don’t skip it, and don’t let it turn into a five-minute visit where nothing gets addressed. Come prepared with questions. Bring up sleep, mood, pain, and anything that doesn’t feel right. You deserve more than a quick clearance.
• Carve out even brief moments of alone time. Five minutes in the bathroom. A short drive by yourself. Handing the baby off and sitting in another room. Solitude restores something in us that togetherness, no matter how loving, cannot fully restore.
• Spend time with a beloved pet. If you have one, lean into it. Petting an animal measurably reduces cortisol and increases oxytocin. Your dog or cat can be a quiet, nonjudgmental source of comfort during a really hard life season.
• Take intentional breaks throughout your day. Not “wait until you collapse” breaks, but proactive, scheduled pauses. Put them on the calendar if you need to. Sit down. Look out a window. Drink something warm.
• Practice deep, slow breathing. This one takes thirty seconds and genuinely works. A long exhale activates your parasympathetic nervous system and tells your body it’s safe to downregulate. Try inhaling for four counts, holding for four, exhaling for six. Repeat three times.
• Make and keep plans to see loved ones. Social connection requires intention in postpartum, especially when leaving the house feels like climbing a mountain. Schedule it. Put it on the calendar. Even a short visit with someone who makes you feel emotionally safe and seen can carry you through a hard week.
• Snuggle under a blanket and let yourself rest. Without a screen. Without a to-do list running in your head. Just warmth and stillness for a few minutes.
• Prioritize sleep hygiene. When sleep is broken and limited, the quality of the sleep you do get matters even more. A dark, cool room, a consistent pre-sleep routine, limiting screen exposure before bed, are all small things that add up.
• Choose something that genuinely relaxes you. Not what someone else says is relaxing. Whether it’s reading, listening to a true crime podcast, taking a bath, painting your nails, or watching something completely mindless- it all counts! Rest doesn’t have to look a certain way.
• Give and receive hugs. Physical touch releases oxytocin, which calms the nervous system and counteracts cortisol. Ask for a hug when you need one. It’s allowed. You even give yourself a hug.
• Try a body scan meditation. Lie down (or sit), close your eyes, and slowly move your attention through your body from head to toe, noticing sensation without judgment. This is one of the most effective practices for dropping out of anxious mental spiraling and back into your physical self.

What other self-care ideas would you add here?

You Are Not Alone in This

If you’re a postpartum mom and you’re having a hard time, please hear this: you are not alone. What you’re feeling is not weakness, and it is not failure. It is the very human experience of a body, a mind, and a life in the middle of profound transformation.

Many of us are struggling, or have struggled, in exactly the way you are right now in postpartum.

If you find yourself needing more support than these pages can offer, please reach out to your doctor, your midwife, or a therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health, the mental health of women during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. And remember, you don’t have to be in crisis to deserve that support.

I’m thinking of you, and I’m sending so much love and compassion your way!

Postpartum