Sometimes, the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.
-Etty Hillesum
We’re been back in our house for a year this month, after two years overseas, and a short stay in an apartment while we waited for our household goods to arrive. As with all transitions, there have been lots of ups and downs this past year. As with all transitions, there’s been plenty of grief and loss this past year too. The grief in and of itself doesn’t surprise me anymore, but the places where I’m not expecting the grief to show up still takes me by surprise. How about for you? Is any of this relatable in your own life?
Here’s what’s to come in this blog: helpful things to say to someone who is grieving, what not to say to someone who is grieving, and wrapping up with ways to be gentle with yourself when you are grieving. Hope it’s helpful to you and your healing process!
Helpful things to say to someone who is grieving:
- How can I help?
- I’m here for you
- I’m so very sorry
- I’ve been there too (only if you have and you can relate)
- Can I give you a hug?
- I’d like to help you with… food, cleaning, organization, etc.
- I don’t know exactly what to say (better than saying nothing at all)
- I remember these sweet things about them (insert story here)
What else would you add here?
What not to say to someone who is grieving:
- They are in a better place now
- Sorry, and change the subject immediately
- Nothing (don’t ignore their grief!)
- You’ll feel better soon (hopefully but not necessarily)
- It was meant to be
- This too shall pass (if grief equals love, we don’t necessarily want it to end, just change in form)
- It was God’s will
- (Anything that starts with) At least…
What else would you add to this list?
Ways to be gentle with yourself with you are grieving:
- Allow yourself time and space to cry
- Journal about your pain
- Cuddle with your pets
- Allow extra time for daily rest
- Do yoga or some gentle stretches
- Snuggle under a cozy blanket
- Do a loving-kindness meditation
- Talk to a close friend or family member
- Take a walk outside some place beautiful
- Talk to a therapist who truly understands grief and loss
What other self-care ideas would you add to this list that help you when you need to be gentle with yourself?
If you’re struggling with grief and loss right now, know that you’re not alone. This is a very common struggle for many of us, especially if you’ve lost a loved one or are going through a transition in your own life. If you could use more help and support, please reach out to your doctor or a therapist in your area (if you don’t already have someone who specializes in grief and loss). Know that I’m thinking of you and sending lots of love and compassion your way!
