The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships… which are basically a reflection of your sense of decency, your ability to think of others, your generosity.
-Esther Perel
How are things in your relationships right now? With your spouse/partner? Your kids? Your friends? Your in-laws? Your co-workers? Your neighbors? Our relationships make up such an important part of our lives, and a lot of these relationships looks and feel different in this post-pandemic world. It’s important to take a pause and take stock of the quality of the relationships in our lives, as these relationships can add emotional connection or stress or a myriad of other positive and negative things into our everyday lives.
Today I’m going to focus on romantic relationships, but some of these items can be applied to all types of friendships and relationships in our lives. Here’s what’s to come: what happens when we avoid hard topics in our relationships, when to engage in hard conversations and when not to engage in hard conversations, and ending with self-care for when you’re feeling emotionally raw. Read on for these short, quick tips!
Avoidance of hard topics in relationships can lead to:
- Deferring to the other person
- Minimizing
- External validation
- Anger and resentment
- A lot of self
- Fear-bases responses
- Emotional reactivity
- Not standing up for what’s important to you
- Loneliness and emotional disconnection
- Not having your own thoughts and opinions
What else would you add to this list?
DO engage in hard conversation when:
- You feel centered and grounded
- Your feelings are processed
- You have had time for self-care
- You’re able to filter your thoughts when needed
- Your basic needs are met
- You feel emotionally safe
- You have privacy for the conversation
- You have plenty of time to talk
DON’T engage in hard conversation when:
- You feel untethered
- You have a lot of unprocessed feelings
- You have not had time for self-care
- You have a lot of unfiltered thoughts that you’re not ready to share
- Your basic needs haven’t been met
- You feel emotionally unsafe
- You don’t have any privacy right now
- You’re pressed for time and feel rushed
What else would you add to these two DO and DON’T lists from above?
Here are some self-care ideas for when you’re feeling emotionally raw:
- Journaling
- Talk about it
- Read
- Have a warm drink
- Therapy (often the best self-care!)
- Snuggle with your pets
- Feel your feelings
- Rest
- What a show
- Exercise
What else would you add here that’s been helpful to you when you’ve felt emotionally raw in the past?
If you’re feeling emotionally raw right now, know that you’re not alone. Heightened emotions in relationships, especially romantic relationships, can be hard to navigate. If you could use more help and support right now, please reach out to your doctor or a therapist in your area. Know that I’m thinking of you and sending you lots of love and compassion, as you allow yourself time and space to process your feelings.
