Grief has its own time frame. It has its own itinerary with you. It has its own power over you, and it will come when it comes
-Elizabeth Gilbert
It always surprises me the way grief can creep into my everyday life. It’s often surrounding major life changes for me. What about for you? With our recent international move back to the States, there have been a lot of ups and downs for me personally. The trick I use when I start to feel sad is to back track my thoughts in my head to figure out where the trigger started and how it’s linked to my other recent thoughts.
For example, I recently finished a really good book, “First Lie Wins” by Ashley Elston (highly recommend!) and I felt really sad afterwards (and the book is a mystery, not really sad at all). What I realized was that this was grief surrounding missing my overseas book club. This was a book on our reading list, and something I would have really enjoyed talking to these amazing women about had we still lived there. It was yet another reminder to me around how grief shows up in my everyday life, and that even though I am generally super happy to be back in the US, there are definitely things that I still miss (and will probably continue to miss) about my life abroad.
Here’s what’s to come in this blog: what to say to someone who is grieving, what not to say to someone who is grieving, and wrapping up with ways to be gentle with yourself when you’re grieving. I hope this information is helpful to you!
Helpful things to say to someone who is grieving:
- I’m here for you
- Can I give you a hug?
- How can I help?
- I don’t know exactly what to say
- I’m so very sorry
- I’ve been there too
- I’d like to help with…
- I remember these sweet things about your loved one…
What else would you add to this list?
What not to say to someone who is grieving:
- It was meant to be
- They are in a better place now
- Nothing (don’t ignore it!)
- This too shall pass
- At least…
- It was God’s will
- Sorry, and change the subject
- You’ll feel better soon
Instead, be empathic and put yourself in the other person’s shoes before you say anything.
Is there anything else you’d add here?
Ways to be gentle with yourself when you’re grieving:
- Cry
- Journal
- Cuddle with your pets
- Do some gentle stretches
- Snuggle under a cozy blanket
- Do a loving-kindness meditation
- Talk to a close friend or family member
- Take a walk outside some place beautiful
- Talk to a therapist who truly understand grief
What else is helpful to you when you’re grieving?
If you’re grieving right now, know that you’re not alone. Many of us are grieving too. If you need more help and support, please reach out to your doctor or a therapist in your area. Know that I’m thinking of you and sending you lots of love and compassion during this hard time in your life.
