The whole world can become the enemy when you lose what you love.
-Kristina McMorris
If you’ve birthed a child, you may have some lingering feelings of grief and loss around your birth experience. This definitely surprised me after birthing both of my kids. I also experienced a miscarriage between my kids, and was surprised how these feeling of loss showed up during my next pregnancy, during that birth, and into postpartum and beyond.
Society often tells us that birth is supposed to only be a beautiful and magical experience. And, that can definitely be true, but this sentiment doesn’t leave room for birth trauma (something I personally experience with my first birth) as well as grief and loss that many of us experience during this time in our lives. I like to think that birth can be beautiful and magical and also bring grief and sadness at the same time. As with most things in life, it’s complicated. But remember, you’re not on this island by yourself, there are many of us right there with you!
Read on for lots of information on what you may be grieving from your own birth experience.
Here are some specific things you may be struggling with from your own birth experience:
- Needing a C-section, especially if it was unplanned
- Not having your needs addressed internally and externally
- Not feeling heard by your provider
- Not having your doctor/midwife of choice
- Having an unexpected medial issue arise
- Having to be knocked out with medication
- Having heightened anxiety
- Having a traumatic delivery
- Not having the birth you planned for on your birth plan
- Not delivering in your chosen location
- Having a baby that needed a NICU stay, especially if it wasn’t expected
- Delivering earlier/later than the due date
- Wishing you had chosen another provider
- Wishing you had used a doula
- Wishing you had more support from family and friends
- Added stress around the time of year, especially if there’s snow on the ground or a thunderstorm
- Your partner not showing up emotionally for you
- Older children (or pets) not responding well to baby
What else would you add to this list from your own birth experience?
If you’re struggling with grief (or trauma) after recently giving birth, know that you’re not alone. Please reach out to your doctor, midwife or therapist for more help and support. Know that I’m thinking of you and your family and sending lots of love and compassion your way!
