Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible.
-Virginia Satir
What a vision Satir paints, right? A home where you’re free to be fully, imperfectly yourself. As parents, building that kind of emotionally safe space is some of the deepest, most demanding work we’ll ever do. It means letting our kids become who they actually are, not who we imagined on the day we first learned that we were expecting.
Here’s what’s to come in this blog: common family issues, traits found in emotionally healthy families, and wrapping up with some ways to create more family connection. I hope this information is useful and helpful to you and your family. Enjoy!
Remember, every family has friction, that’s human. These patterns signal that something deeper may need attention.
Here are some common family issues to be on the lookout for:
- Lack of empathy and support
- Disrespectful behavior
- Frequent arguing and raised voices
- Unclear boundaries, limits and rules
- Family members feeling unseen, unheard and not understood
- Emotional disconnection and distance
- Not laughter or shared humor
- Too much togetherness/enmeshment
- Too much separateness, time apart and isolateion
- No space for difference
- A lack to quality time spent together
What else would you add here?
None of the following traits appear by accident. They’re cultivated, day by day!
Traits found in emotionally healthy families:
- Compassion for self and others
- Space for both autonomy and togetherness
- Emotional connection
- Genuine laughter
- Quality time together
- Welcoming of individual differences
- Caring for self and others
- Physical, mental and emotional support
- Shared humor
- Empathy as a daily practice
- Clear, loving structure and rules
- Good boundary setting
- Enjoying each other’s company
What else would you add here?
Small, consistent actions do more than grand gestures!
Here are some ways to create more family connection:
- Validate one another’s feelings and emotions, yours and theirs, without rushing to fix them
- Hold regular family meeting where everyone’s voice matters
- Invite kids into age-appropriate problem solving- they rise to it!
- Attend what matters to your kids, even when it’s inconvenient
- Attend important events for all family members
- Protect family time, and make it genuinely fun!
- Create family adventures when and where you can
- Model self-care so kids learn it’s not selfish, it’s necessary
- Create a culture where emotions are allowed, not managed away
- Keep emotional reactivity low
- Embrace the value each family member brings to the family
- Consider family therapy- it’s a sign of strength, not failure
What else helps you create more family connection?
If you’re struggling right now, know that you’re not alone. Many of us struggle in unhealthy, dysfunctional family systems. If you could use more help and support, please reach out to your doctor or a therapist in your area (if you don’t already have one). And remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Know that I’m thinking of you and sending lots of love and compassion your way!