Anger, resentment and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others–
it only changes yours.
-Shannon Alder
Have you ever noticed that when you’re experiencing heightened internal emotions, that they can impact the relationships around you? Have you ever noticed that when the people around you (especially loved ones) are experiencing heightened emotions, that they can impact you internally? Sometimes this can be because we need to work on boundary setting with others and having better emotional boundaries to protect our inner world. However, sometimes this can be because when the people around us are struggling internally, they can project these feelings on to us and others, or they can even take their emotional pain out on us, either consciously or unconsciously (and without insight we can do the same things to the people around us).
Feelings and emotions can be hard for each of us to deal with, especially if we’re trying to do this work all on our own. However, sometimes people may feel threatened by therapy, and even have great fear that if we do our own work or if our loved ones do their own work, that this work may lead to big changes in our own lives. The fear of change is real, and can cause people in relationships to try to keep the status quo, even if it’s not healthy for both people in the relationship. Growth is hard work, but can really enhance our internally and external worlds in such profound ways!
Moving forward into this blog topic, I’ll be writing about the following topics in short, quick points (because I know your time is precious): Ways therapy can be weaponized by others, reasons why someone might go to therapy, and finally some self-care ideas for when you’re struggling emotionally. Please read on!
Ways therapy can be weaponized by others:
- It means you’re crazy
- Focusing on them not being “fixed” yet
- Making it a negative
- Saying their therapist doesn’t truly know them
- Calling therapy as a “bad investment”
- Stating that if they were stronger internally, that they wouldn’t need therapy
- Asking why they are still going to therapy
- Making them the issues (and not seeing that relational issues take two people to create)
- Saying they need another session
- Saying it’s all in your head
What else would you add to this list?
Reasons why someone might go to therapy:
- Grieving the losses in their life
- They’re experiencing a life change (often a major life change or transition)
- To learn boundary setting
- Relationship issues
- Parenting struggles
- Work through past trauma
- To lower mental health symptoms
- For emotional support
- Perinatal struggles
- To become a better human!
What else would you add here?
Self-care for when you’re struggling emotionally:
- Talk to a therapist (even if you get pushback from the people around you, you’re worth it!)
- Feel your feelings
- Journal
- Meditate
- Practice mindfulness
- Snuggle with your pets
- Relax in bed
- Connect with loved ones
- Go outside
What other self-care practices would you add to this list that help you when you’re struggling emotionally in your own life?
Internal and external emotional struggles can be very hard to deal with, especially when you’re feeling alone in these struggles (or can’t fix them for other people as they need to do their own work when they’re ready). This can be made harder when the people in our lives don’t value getting help through therapy, and even try to weaponize this type of help at times. If you’re struggling right now, know that you’re not alone. If you could use more help or support right now, please reach out to your doctor or a therapist in your area (even if you might get pushback from the people around you, you’re worth it!). I’m sending lots of love and compassion your way as you navigate the current heightened emotions in your own life!
