It takes two people to create a pattern, but only one to change it.
-Esther Perel
Relationships sure are hard work! I’m talking about our romantic relationships as well as our non-romantic relationships here. It’s so important to take stock of what’s working and not working in our relationships with others. As well as keeping in mind how you’re doing internally when you’re around certain people. Do you feel good about yourself when you’re with them? Do they make you feel anxious, depression, etc.? Do you lose yourself when they’re around? Lots of reflection questions to think about further.
Read on for some short tips on relationship red flags, relationship green flags, and self-care ideas to use during relationship struggles.
Relationship red flags often include:
- Not feeling heard
- No repair after arguments
- Not putting the work in
- Turning away for each other
- Autonomy or togetherness, no room for both
- Emotional disconnection
- Minimized wants and needs
- Judgment and criticism
- Not a united front in the relationship
- You’re on opposite teams, especially during arguments
What else would you add here?
Relationship green flags often include:
- Empathy and compassion
- Listening
- Repairing after arguments
- You both work on yourselves
- Turning towards each other
- You’re on the same team when you argue
- Truly caring
- No judgment and criticism
- You’re a united front
- Autonomy and togetherness
What else would you add to the above list?
Self-care ideas to use during relationship struggles:
- Meditate
- Get a good night of sleep
- Exercise
- Feel your feelings
- Practice mindfulness
- Write in a journal
- Go outside
- Find a great therapist
- Spend time with your pets
- Read a great book
What other self-care ideas do you use during relationship struggles?
If you’re struggling in your relationship right now, know that you’re not alone. Please reach out to your doctor or a therapist in your area (if you don’t already have one of your own), for more help and support. Also, know that you’re not alone, many people are struggling with red flags in their relationships right now too. I’m sending lots of love and compassion your way!
