Emotional agility is about loosening up, calming down, and living with more intention. It’s about choosing how you’ll respond to your emotional warning system.
-Susan David
Emotional reactivity is often a part of our relationships, especially when there are issues, often ongoing, in these relationships. Often the work is around separating out what are our own issues that we need to process, work on, and release. And, what are other people’s issue that they need to process, work on and release.
One of the hardest things is to set boundaries around other people’s emotions, especially when these emotions are targeted towards us. We can absorb these emotions if we’re not careful. Or, we can take them on as our own, and try to solve them for the other person (which doesn’t actually work because it’s not our work to do).
Allowing ourselves time and space to feel our own feelings can bring relief from some of the stress you may be carrying that isn’t actually yours.
Here’s what’s to come in this blog: relationship red flags, relationship green flags, and self-care ideas to use during relationship struggles. These can be romantic and non-romantic (parent, child, friend, coworker, etc.) relationship in your own life. I hope this information is help to you. Enjoy!
Relationship red flags often include:
- Not feeling heard
- No repair after arguments
- Not putting in the work, together and separately
- Turning away from each other and not towards each other when there are issues in the relationship
- Minimized wants and needs
- Judgment and criticism
- Not being a united front together
- You’re on opposite teams not the same team
- Autonomy or togetherness, without room for both
- Emotional disconnection from one another
What else would you add here?
Relationship green flags often include:
- Listening to one another
- Repairing after arguments
- You both work on yourselves and the relationship
- Turning towards each other not away from one another when there are issues in the relationship
- Truly caring about the other person’s well-being
- No judgment and criticism
- You’re a united front and work well together
- Autonomy and together, with space for both
- You’re on the same team when you argue
- Empathy and compassion
What else would you add to this list?
Self-care idea to use during relationship struggles:
- Get sufficient sleep when possible
- Exercise, move your body, stretch
- Allow yourself time and space to feel your feelings
- Meditate
- Write in a journal
- Go to therapy
- Spend time with your pets
- Focus on mindfulness
- Go outside
- Read something that resonate with you
What else helps you when during relationship struggles?
If you’re struggling in one or more of your relationships right now, know that you’re not alone. Relationship issues are very common, and many of us are experiencing this type of struggle in our own lives today. If you could use more help or support, please reach out to a doctor or therapist in your area (if you don’t already have one). Know that I’m thinking of you and sending lots of love and compassion your way!
