Whatever pain you can’t get rid of, make it your creative offering.
-Susan Cain
I love this idea from Susan Cain because it doesn’t ask you to pretend the pain isn’t there. It doesn’t ask you to rush past it or fix it overnight. It simply invites you to do something meaningful with it, to let it shape you into someone more compassionate, more resilient, and more connected to the people around you.
If you’re navigating pregnancy, postpartum, or perimenopause right now, you already know something about pain that doesn’t fully go away. Maybe it’s the physical discomfort of a changing body. Maybe it’s the emotional weight of new responsibility, hormonal shifts, or a sense of losing touch with the person you used to be. Whatever it looks like for you, one of the most powerful shifts you can make during this season isn’t about eliminating the hard parts. It’s about examining the lens through which you’re viewing your life, and asking yourself honestly, am I operating from a place of scarcity, or a place of abundance?
What is a Scarcity Mindset?
A scarcity mindset is the belief, often unconscious, that there isn’t enough to go around. Not enough time, not enough love, not enough success, not enough support, etc. It’s a fear-based way of moving through the world, and it tends to show up in some familiar patterns.
Coming from a place of scarcity may look like:
- Negativity
- Pessimism
- Self-promoting
- Being fear-based
- Not helping others
- Short-term goals only
- Outcome focused only
- Competition with others
- Feeling like there isn’t enough
- Not learning from the mistakes of others
If you recognize yourself in this list, please hear me when I say there is no shame in that. Scarcity thinking often develops as a protective response. If you grew up in a household where resources, attention, or emotional safety felt limited, your nervous system learned to brace for not having enough. If you’ve experienced loss, whether that’s a miscarriage, a difficult birth, a breakup, or a hard season in your career, it makes complete sense that your brain would start scanning for threats and trying to hold on tightly to whatever feels secure.
During pregnancy, scarcity thinking might sound like, “There’s no way I can handle a baby and my job and my marriage, something has to fail.” During postpartum, it might sound like, “I’m the only one who can do this right, and if I ask for help, that means I’m failing.” During perimenopause, it might sound like, “My best years are behind me, and I’m running out of time to matter.”
None of these thoughts are facts. They’re the sound of a mind operating from fear rather than trust.
What is an Abundance Mindset?
An abundance mindset, by contrast, is rooted in the belief that there is enough. Enough time, enough love, enough opportunity, enough good coming your way, even when the present moment feels hard.
Coming from a place of abundance may look like:
- Optimism
- Giving back
- Being heart-centered
- Helping one another
- Being process oriented
- Positivity about the future
- Working together with your partner
- Being open to feedback from others
- Knowing there is plenty of good to go around
- Having long term goals you’re working towards
I want to be clear that abundance thinking isn’t the same as toxic positivity. It doesn’t mean forcing a smile when you’re falling apart inside, or pretending everything is fine when it isn’t. Abundance thinking simply means trusting that hard seasons are not permanent, that support exists even when it’s hard to find, and that there’s room for more than one person’s needs to matter at the same time. It means believing that if you ask for help, there will be enough compassion in the world to meet you there.
During pregnancy, abundance thinking might sound like, “My body is doing something incredible, and I can learn what I need to as I go.” During postpartum, it might sound like, “It takes a village, and I’m allowed to lean on mine.” During perimenopause, it might sound like, “This is a transition, not an ending, and I still have so much ahead of me to look forward to.”
Why This Distinction Matters So Much Right Now
Pregnancy, postpartum, and perimenopause are three of the most hormonally and emotionally intense chapters a woman can go through. Your brain chemistry is shifting. Your identity is shifting. Your relationships are shifting. In moments of that much change, it’s incredibly common for scarcity thinking to creep in, even for women who consider themselves generally optimistic people.
The good news is that mindset isn’t fixed. You can notice when you’ve slipped into scarcity thinking and gently guide yourself back toward abundance. This isn’t about willpower or positive thinking as a cure-all. It’s about awareness, self-compassion, and small daily practices that help regulate your nervous system so that abundance feels more accessible.
Which brings me to the second half of this conversation. Because you can’t think your way out of scarcity when your body is running on empty. Self-care isn’t indulgent. It’s foundational. It’s often the very thing that creates enough space for an abundance mindset to take root.
Self-Care for When You’re Struggling Emotionally
If you’re in a season where you’re struggling emotionally, whether that’s due to pregnancy hormones, the exhaustion of caring for a newborn, or the unpredictability of perimenopause, here are some self-care practices worth returning to again and again.
Journal
Getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper can be incredibly clarifying. You don’t need a fancy system or perfect grammar. Try writing for five minutes before bed about whatever is weighing on you, or keep a running list of things you’re grateful for, even small ones like a warm cup of tea or a text from a friend.
Exercise
Movement doesn’t have to mean an intense workout. A slow walk around the block, a few gentle stretches, or a short prenatal or postpartum-safe yoga video can help regulate your mood and release built-up tension. Movement is one of the most well-researched tools for managing anxiety and low mood, and it’s available to you in almost any season of life, as long as you adjust it to what your body can handle.
Meditate
Even five minutes of quiet breathing can interrupt a spiral of anxious or scarcity-based thoughts. There are free apps designed specifically for pregnancy, postpartum, and midlife transitions if you want some structure. If sitting still feels impossible right now, that’s okay too. A few slow, intentional breaths while you’re standing at the kitchen sink still counts.
Go outside
Fresh air and natural light do more for your mood than most people realize. Sunlight helps regulate your circadian rhythm, which in turn supports better sleep and more stable emotions. If you can get outside for even ten minutes a day, your nervous system will thank you.
Go to therapy
Working with a therapist, especially one who specializes in perinatal or menopause mental health, can give you a consistent, judgment-free space to process what you’re going through. Therapy isn’t just for crisis moments. It can be a proactive, ongoing form of self-care that helps you build the tools to move through hard seasons with more resilience.
Feel your feelings
This one sounds simple, but it’s often the hardest. So many of us were taught to push feelings down, stay busy, or put on a brave face. Give yourself permission to actually feel what you’re feeling, whether that’s grief, anger, fear, or overwhelm. Feelings that are acknowledged tend to move through you more quickly than feelings that are suppressed.
Find a great mantra
A short phrase you can return to in hard moments can be incredibly grounding. Something like, “This is hard, and I can do hard things,” or, “I am allowed to ask for help,” or, “This season is temporary.” Choose words that feel true and supportive to you, and repeat them when your inner critic gets loud.
Connect with loved ones
Isolation feeds scarcity thinking. Connection feeds abundance. Reach out to a friend, a partner, a sibling, or a support group. Even a short phone call or a text conversation can remind you that you’re not alone in what you’re carrying.
Eat healthy for your body
Nourishing your body with regular meals and foods that make you feel good, physically and emotionally, supports more stable moods and more energy to cope with everything else on your plate. This isn’t about restriction or perfection. It’s about giving your body the fuel it needs during a season that’s already asking a lot of you.
Bringing It All Together
The truth is, you’ll probably move between scarcity and abundance thinking many times throughout pregnancy, postpartum, and perimenopause, sometimes within the same day. That’s normal. The goal isn’t to banish scarcity thinking forever. It’s to notice it when it shows up, meet yourself with compassion instead of judgment, and use small, consistent self-care practices to help guide yourself back toward a place of trust and hope.
Susan Cain’s words feel especially relevant here. Whatever pain you can’t get rid of right now, whether that’s physical discomfort, emotional exhaustion, or fear about the future, you get to decide what you do with it. You can let it convince you that there isn’t enough, or you can let it become the very thing that deepens your compassion for yourself and for other women walking through similar seasons.
If you’re finding that scarcity thinking or emotional struggles are becoming difficult to manage on your own, please reach out for support. A conversation with your doctor, midwife, or a therapist who specializes in perinatal or menopause mental health can make a real difference. You don’t have to carry this alone, and there is enough support out there for you to find your way back to steadier ground.
