Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it.
-Brene Brown
I love this quote from Brene Brown and the reminder that we can be compassionate people and set boundaries at the same time. Both can be true! Often in relationships, especially with people who are closest to us, this can feel hard to do at times. We may also get push back from them if we set boundaries where family or close friends don’t want or feel like there should be any boundaries. Finally, we may not speak up surrounding what we want or need in the relationship out of fear of hurting the other person’s feelings, or them saying something that may be hurtful towards us.
Here’s what’s to come in this blog: dos and don’ts when engaging in hard conversations with others, where avoidance of hard topics in relationships may lead us, and wrapping up with self-care ideas for when you’re feeling emotionally raw.
When engaging in hard conversations:
DO:
- Make sure you’re feeling centered and grounded within yourself
- Process your feelings and emotions ahead of time
- Make time for self-care before and/or after the conversation
- Share you filtered thoughts
- Make sure your basic needs have already been met
- Make sure you feel safe both emotionally and physically
- Have privacy for the conversation, especially if you have kids
- Have plenty of time so you don’t feel rushed
DON’T:
- If you’re feeling untethered
- If you have unprocessed feelings
- If you don’t have time for self-care
- If you have unfiltered thoughts
- If your basic needs are not met
- If you feel physically or emotionally unsafe
- If you don’t have privacy
- If you feel pressed for time
What else would you add here?
Avoidance of hard topics in relationships can lead to:
- Minimizing your own wants and needs
- A loss of your sense of self
- Anger and resentment
- Emotional reactivity
- Fear-based responses
- Deferring to the other person
- Loneliness and emotional disconnection
- Not having your own thoughts and opinions
- Not standing up for what’s important to you in life
What else would you add to this list?
Self-care ideas for when you’re feeling emotionally raw:
- Journaling
- Therapy
- Allowing yourself time and space to feel your feelings
- Talk about it with friends or a family member
- Snuggle with your pets
- Rest your body and allow time for relaxation
- Read (or listen to) a great book
- Exercise or gently move/stretch your body
- Have a warm drink like tea or hot chocolate
- Watch an interesting or fun show
What other self-care ideas would you add to this list that help you when you’re feeling emotionally raw?
If you’re struggling right now in one of your relationships, know that you’re not alone. This is a common struggle for most of us throughout our lives. If you could use more help and support in your life today, please reach out to your doctor or a therapist in your area. Know that I’m thinking of you and sending lots of love and compassion your way!
