Some days I’m not okay and I’m not trying to fix that. No I don’t need advice on how to not feel this way. I just need time to feel it.

-Allyson Dinneen

We are deep into the teenage years over here, with an 18- and 15-year-old. Some days are great fun, while others are sometimes no fun at all.

I’ve noticed that the more time and space I give myself to process the myriad of feelings and emotions that come up during this time in motherhood, the better I’m able to show up for my teens in the ways I’d like to be showing up for them. When I give myself time and space to acknowledge and feel my feelings, it also helps give me more clarity on what I’m grieving and what my own issues are, so I don’t inadvertently put them on the people I love. I’ve also noticed that the more I do this, the better I know myself, and the less I “lose myself” in other people’s struggles.

All that being said, I am human, and definitely have days when I’m struggling to get through the day (often because my basic needs haven’t been met), let alone have time and space to feeling my feelings. That’s when tapping into grace and self-compassion become so important for me.

If this topic of feeling your feelings interests you (and I hope it does!), please read on for some quick, helpful tips on deeper struggles in mom life, why we may struggle with feeling our feelings, and some self-care ideas for when emotions are running high in your life.

Deeper struggles in mom life:

• Grief and loss- especially as kids grow older
• Loneliness- if you don’t have people in your life you feel emotionally connected to
• Not feeling like your enough- or sometimes feeling like you’re too much
• Not feeling worthy- or you are struggling with self-love and self-value
• Sadness- especially when your youngest is closing out stages of their childhood, because it closes out these parenting stages for you too
• Emotional disconnection from others- especially family and friends who you’d like to have a deeper connection with
• Struggling to find self-love and self-compassion- giving yourself more grace can be so helpful here

What else would you add here?

Why we may struggle with feeling our feelings:

• We’re taught that some feelings are not okay- remind yourself that all feelings are welcome
• Worry that others will judge or criticize us- we need to normalize in society that feelings are normal responses to the stressors in our lives
• It can deplete us of energy- definitely a hard truth!
• Not having this behavior modeled for us by our parents or other important adults while we were growing up- Remind yourself that you don’t have to repeat old patterns, you can create new ones
• Fear we might stay in the hard feelings forever- thankfully this isn’t true, and feeling them can help you release them sooner
• We don’t trust that feeling our feelings will help us really feel better- but we need to start trusting that it actually will help us feel better

What else would you add to this list?

Here are some self-care ideas for when emotions are running high:

• Journal- written or digital
• Go outside- enjoy the beauty all around you
• Practice the pause- this can be so powerful!
• Talk to a therapist- with the right provider, this can be so helpful!
• Listen to a guided meditation- there are some great apps out now
• Process emotions- through writing or out loud with a trusted friend, family member, therapist, etc.
• Take deep, slow breaths- I like to call them “deep, cleansing breaths”
• Connect with a friend or family member- in person, on the phone, or on video
• Schedule time for things that fill you up emotionally- exercise, coffee with a friend, movies with family, etc.
• Read- fiction or nonfiction, you decide what you need
• Take a break- rest and relaxation can be a game changer
• Talk with a loved one- being open, honest and vulnerable can help deepen your relationships with the right people who can go there with you
• Watch a show- intentional distraction can be helpful too
• Focus on your five senses- what do you see, feel, taste, touch, can smell in this moment?
• Use mindfulness- some of my favorite mantras are: “be where your feet are,” “be here now” and “be still”
• Listen to a podcast or audio book- one of my favorites right now is “The Happiness Lab” with Laurie Santos
• Schedule in transitions throughout your day- especially at bedtime to help you sleep better (we’re often so good at this for our kids, but not for ourselves)

 What are some of your favorite self-care ideas for when emotions are running high in your own life?

Allowing ourselves time and space to feeling our feelings can be such a game changer! It’s not easy, but diving into your feelings and emotions can help you release them versus trying to stuff them down and just carry them with you. If you’re struggling right now, know that you’re not alone. Please reach out to your doctor or a therapist in your area if you need more support. I’m sending lots of love and compassion your way as you navigate the current struggles in your own life.

Grief