Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.
– Cherie Carter-Scott
Forgiving yourself can be a huge challenge. Forgiving others can feel just as big too. Before being able to forgive ourselves and others, it can be helpful to allow ourselves time and space to feel all our feelings. The anger. The grief. The sadness. The loneliness. The shame. And the myriad of other feelings your probably feeling when you’re upset with yourself and others.
If this topic interests you (and I hope it does!), please read on for some quick, helpful tips on possible barriers to self-forgiveness, reasons why it’s often so hard to forgive other people, and some self-care ideas for when you’re struggling emotionally.
Let’s start with some possible barriers to self-forgiveness:
- Perfectionism- beating yourself up when you make mistakes
- Self-judgment- judging yourself harshly when you’re not perfect
- High expectations- and being upset when you don’t meet them
- Self-criticism- your inner critic taking over so it’s hard to find a kind and compassionate inner voice
- Being hard on yourself- in most of all situations in your life
- Caring too much about what other people think- looking for external validation instead of finding it internally within yourself
What else would you add here?
Why it’s often so hard to forgive other people:
- Your feelings are hurt- give yourself time and space to work through your feelings and emotions
- You feel emotionally raw- you still have unprocessed grief and pain
- You’re dealing with pent up resentment- resentment is based in envy, so it’s often helpful to ask yourself what you’re actually envious of in this situation
- You need time and space to process your grief- therapy can be helpful here!
- You feel emotionally numb- what needs to happen to “defrost” yourself?
- You’re angry or filled with rage- what feelings and emotions are underneath your anger?
- You don’t want to be hurt again- so you’re closing yourself off from others
- You have a myriad of feelings hitting you all at once- which might cause you to feel emotionally flooded
What else would you add to this list?
Self-care ideas for when you’re struggling emotionally:
- Therapy- it can help to have an emotionally safe place to work through your feelings and emotions
- Journaling- a safe place to process your feelings and emotions
- Meditation- quiet or guided to help you feel more centered and grounded
- Mantras- like “this too shall pass” can be helpful
- Exercise- moving your body can help you feel better
- Rest- listen to your body when it needs to be still
- Connection- emotionally connecting to family and friends can help you feel better
What helps you when you’re struggling emotionally?
Forgiving yourself and others is sometimes one of the hardest things we have to do as humans. If you’re struggling with forgiveness right now, know that you’re not alone. If you need more help and support right now, please reach out to your doctor or a therapist in your area. I’m sending lots of love and support your way as your navigate forgiving yourself and other people in your life.
