A healthy relationship is a feast of affection/giving for both people; not one receiving crumbs and trying to convince themselves it’s enough.
-Shannon Thomas
In honor of Valentine’s Day tomorrow, I’m doing a series on relationships this week.
My husband and I also celebrate 21 years of marriage later this month! So, when it comes to long-term relationships, I have some personal knowledge along with my Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) training.
Here’s what I’ll be covering this week:
- Common relationship arguments
- Why we argue about these topics
- Ways to create more emotional connection in your relationship
Remember, all relationships have ups and downs, so if you’re struggling right now in your relationship, you’re not alone and most of us have been there too.
Relationships also tend to have some key areas that are unresolvable. Have you noticed that at the heart of many of your arguments, the same issues keep resurfacing?
Relationships are also the dance between togetherness and autonomy, and not often does this line up perfectly for both partners.
So, what do you do about differences in relationships? Often, we need to first acknowledge they are here and try to accept them (within reason, of course). Compassion for yourself and your partner can be very helpful here too. And, don’t forget that differences can add some spice and excitement to our relationships as well.
I’m sending lots of love your way as you navigate whatever relational season you’re currently in with your partner.
Happy Valentine’s Day!!
Common Relationship Arguments:
- How to raise your kids
- How to spend your money
- Sex and intimacy
- Time spent together versus time spent apart
- Division of Labor
- In laws and extended family pressures and traditions
What else would you add here?
Reasons why we argue with our partners:
- It was modeled by our parents
- In hopes of being heard by them
- You’re feeling attacked and defensive
- A need to be right or to “win” the argument
- Our unresolved issues showing up (such as past trauma, etc.)
- Grief that our relationship isn’t prefect or what we want/need/expected, etc.
What else would you add to this list?
How to create more emotional connection in your relationship:
- Check in with each other throughout the day
- Have an in-depth time to talk at least once per week- and be as open, honest and vulnerable with one another as possible
- Do something fun together as often as possible such as date night out, a couple’s vacation, etc. (especially if it’s something fun you used to do earlier in your relationship together)
- Go to couples counseling
- Keep a couple’s journal together
- Spend time outdoors together- go for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc.
What did I forget that’s helped you emotionally connect with your partner?