Grieving doesn’t make you imperfect. It makes you human.
-Sarah Dessen
There seems to be so much mom grief out in the world right now. Grief over this lost year, lost time with loved ones, lost family adventures, lost memories made outside of the home. So much loss. As a family, we’re getting ready to take our first family vacation in over a year, which is bringing up quite a few emotions for all of us. In many ways, it feels like we’re trying to make up for so much lost time…
So, let’s dive a little bit deeper into grief, starting with places it may show up in our lives:
- After the loss of a loved one
- Miscarriage/Pregnancy loss
- Divorce/Breakups
- Loss of a friendship
- Moving
- Job loss
- A new diagnosis/illness
- Estrangement from family members
- Infertility
- 10.Accidents
- 11.Global pandemics
- 12.Life transitions
Would you add anything here that I forgot?
If you are grieving right now, I bet there are some things that would be helpful to hear from others, as well as some things that you don’t need to hear and wouldn’t be helpful to you.
Helpful things to say to someone who is grieving:
- I’m here for you.
- I don’t know exactly what to say.
- I’m so very sorry.
- I’ve been there too.
- How can I help?
- Can I give you a hug?
- I will help out in this way (bring dinner, take care of your kids, send over my cleaning person, etc.).
- I remember these sweet things about your loved one…
Often, external support stops after a short period of time, while the grief stays and continues. Don’t forget to check back in with people in the future!
What NOT to say to someone who is grieving…
- It was meant to be.
- It’s God’s will.
- They are in a better place now.
- At least… (you can get pregnant, you knew him for as long as you did, etc.).
- Nothing- don’t ignore the grief and pretend it’s not there.
- Sorry and then quickly change the subject before the person can respond.
- This too shall pass.
- You’ll feel better soon.
Instead, be empathic and put yourself in the other person’s shoes before you say anything at all.
Grief shows up around major losses and life changes, but can also show up around seemingly smaller losses and life changes too. Giving yourself time and space to grieve all these losses in your life can be so very important to your own personal growth and healing.
