Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis.
–Martha Beck
There tends to be a whole myriad of feelings in motherhood including guilt and shame. So, what’s the difference between these two feelings? Mom guilts says, “I feel badly about something I did or said as a mom” such as yelling at my kids. Mom shame says, “I am a bad mom.” Shame hits us at a deeper level because it’s about how we feel about ourselves deep down. The struggles around self-love, self-worth, self-value, etc.
Mom guilt and mom shame may also lead to feelings of loneliness, especially if family and friends aren’t being open, honest and vulnerable about their own motherhood struggles, giving the appearance on the surface that everything is perfect in their own lives. Here are some other things that might lead to motherhood loneliness:
- Emotional disconnection from your partner, family and friends
- A mental health issue like depression or social anxiety
- Life transitions such as moving to a new city
- Relationship issues like not feeling seen, heard and understood by your life partner
- Grief and loss such as the loss of a loved one
What else would you add to this list?
You may also be grieving in motherhood, which can add to feelings of loneliness, guilt, shame, etc. Here are some things that may trigger grief and loss:
- Important dates
- Favorite songs
- Old pictures
- Holidays
- Birthdays
- Favorite vacation spots
- Kids growing up
- Life continuing forward
- People moving on
What else would you all here? Also, know that the first year after a loss if often very hard because of the “grief fog” and going through all the firsts after a loss. The second year can sometimes be even harder because when the grief fog lifts, the reality of the loss in your life becomes more real.
If you’re struggling with guilt, shame, loneliness, grief or a myriad of other feelings during motherhood, know that you’re not alone. Please reach out to a doctor or therapist in your area if you’re feeling like more help navigating this hard time in your life. I’m thinking of you and sending lots of love and support your way!
