Here’s what is truly at the heart of wholeheartedness: Worthy now, not if, not when, we’re worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.
-Brene Brown
Not feeling like you matter is a topic that shows up often in the therapy world. These are often internal and external battles that people are fighting in their own lives, and may lead you to ask yourself some big life questions like:
- What am I doing with my life?
- What’s my purpose here on earth?
- Why do I sometimes feel like I’m wasting my life away?
Can you relate to any of these questions? Most of us have been here at one time or another in our own lives, and leaning into these hard questions often has a way of confirming if we’re on the right or wrong path for ourselves in our lives.
So, let’s explore further how this concept of not feeling like you matter shows up externally as well as internally, and I’ll end with some self-care ideas to help you better navigate this struggle in life.
Ways people can make you feel like you don’t matter. They may:
- Not value your time and money
- Not respect your boundaries
- Judge and criticize your choices in life
- Not remember important conversations you’ve had with them
- Not remember important dates or shared memories
- Not trust you fully and completely
- Say disrespectful things to you and/or use disrespectful language around you
- Cancel plans, often at the last minute
- Leave you out or make you feel emotionally disconnected from them
What else would you add here?
Why you may feel like you don’t matter internally:
- You struggle with feelings of low self-value and low self-esteem
- You’re a people pleaser and put other people’s wants and needs above your own wants and needs
- If you’re not perfect, you end up beating yourself up about it and self-judging your choices and decisions in life
- You struggle with self-love and self-worth
- Mental health issues like depression and anxiety
- Your inner critic is showing up very loudly
- You don’t follow through and prioritize the things that are important to you
- You feel lonely, emotionally disconnected and isolated from others
What else would you add to this list?
Self-care to build self-worth and self-love:
- Find a great therapist
- Allow time and space to process and feel all your feelings
- Write about your self-worth struggles in a journal, and then shred it if that’s helpful to your healing
- Get strong from the inside out- lift weights, do cardio, move your body and eat a healthy diet
- Focus on mindfulness and being in the present moment
- Create a daily meditation practice focused on loving kindness and compassion towards yourself
- Connect with people who love you for you
- Read books about self-worth, self-value, self-love, etc.
- Spend time with your pets who love you unconditionally
- Come up with a great mantra or affirmation
What else helps you when you’re struggling with self-love and self-worth?
It’s important that you feel like you matter both internally as well as externally in the world. If you’re struggling with self-worth and self-love, please reach out to your doctor or a therapist in your area because you do matter! I’m sending lots of love and compassion your way to help you on your own healing journey.
