A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
-Mignon McLaughlin
Relationship crossroads seem to come up all the time in therapy sessions. Do I want to be with my partner right now, moving forward, for life, not at all? And, most of us who have been in long-term relationships understand the above quote fully, that you both have to choose one another, over and over and over again. These stages in relationships often come with growing pains, along with growth and maturity for each of you as well. So, let’s jump into this topic further with relationship red flags, green flags and self-care to help you through relationship hard times.
Relationship red flags often include:
- Emotional disconnection
- Not feeling heard in your relationship, and feeling like you’re in a set role you must fill in the relationship
- Your wants and needs are minimized or ignored by your partner
- No repair after arguments
- Judgment and criticism
- Working on bettering yourself and your relationship isn’t prioritized
- Not being united in parenting together
- In times of need, you turn away from each other
- Autonomy or togetherness, no room for both
- You feel like you’re on opposite teams when you argue
What else would you add to this list?
Relationship green flags often include:
- Empathy and compassion for each other
- Truly listening to one another, and not putting your partner into a set role they must fill in the relationship
- Caring about the other person’s wants, needs and overall wellbeing
- Repairing after arguments
- No judgment and criticism of your partner
- You both work on yourselves and want to bring the best version of yourself into the relationship, which will better your relationship too
- If you have kids, you parent together as a united front
- You turn towards each other in times of need
- There’s room for both autonomy and togetherness in the relationship
- You’re on the same team when you argue, against the problem not each other
What else would you add here?
Self-care ideas to use during relationship struggles:
- Getting enough sleep and focusing on R& R when needed throughout your day
- Talking to a therapist
- Meditation to help you feel more centered and grounded during this hard time
- Journaling and writing about how you’re really doing in a safe place, and then destroy what you write if it feels emotionally safer for you
- Spending time with your pet, a sweet animal who loves you unconditionally
- Exercising and stretching your body
- Reading to take your mind off of your emotional pain
- Going outside and focusing on the beauty all around you
- Focusing on mindfulness and your five senses
- Allowing yourself time and space to feel your feelings
What else is helpful to you during your own relationship struggles?
Relationship crossroads can be very hard to navigate. Know that you’re not alone, and that most of us have been in this difficult space too. Focusing on your relationship red and green flags can be helpful as you decide next steps in your relationship. Self-care can also help you reconnect with yourself during this turbulent time. I wish you all the best, and I’m sending lots of love and compassion your way.