There is no greater source of joy and meaning in our lives than our relationships with others.
-Esther Perel
Relationships are hard work! And, they can be especially hard if you’ve been in a long-term relationship and have had to navigate the ups and downs in life together. The hope is that when things get hard, you turn towards one another in solidarity and support, not away from each other. But sometimes this is easier said than done, depending on how you’re doing internally and what stressors you’re dealing with externally.
If this topic interests you (and I hope it does!), please read on for some quick, helpful tips on common relationship arguments, reasons why we argue with our partners, and how to create more emotional connection in our relationships.
Common Relationship Arguments:
- Kids- arguments surrounding parenting, especially if you parent differently than your partner
- Money- Such a common one, and not just surrounding not having enough money, but how much to spend and how much to save
- Intimacy- Another common one, especially when levels of desire don’t match up between partners
- Chores- And if you’ve recently moved or had another big transition, chores often need to be renegotiated between partners and other family members
- Time- figuring out how to prioritize time together and what to do versus not do
- In laws- how to navigate extended family in a way that’s healthy and with set boundaries is another big one
- Togetherness versus autonomy- negotiating how much time to spend together and apart can be tricky, especially at the beginning of relationships
What else would you add here?
Reasons why we argue with our partners:
- Needing to be heard- it can be so hard to feel unseen, unheard and misunderstood in relationships
- Unresolved issues- this is especially true if the same issues keep resurfacing in your disagreements with your partner
- You’re feeling attacked- if your wants and needs are different from your partners, you can end up feeling like they are wrong according to your partner
- Needing to be right- sometimes arguments happen because one partner digs in and doesn’t budge or compromise with their partner
- Grief over our relationship not being perfect- which is normal for all of us since none of our relationships are perfect
What else would you add to his list?
How to create more emotional connection in your relationship:
- Have in-depth conversations- even the hard ones can be helpful to your relationship
- Go to couples counseling- a safe place to discuss hard topics
- Do something fun together- getting out of your everyday rut can be helpful to adding more excitement to your relationship
- Keep a couple’s journal- this can be a great way to learn about your partner’s deeper thoughts
- Spend time outdoors together- hiking, biking, walking, camping, fishing… whatever you all find fun together
What else do you do in your own relationship to create more emotional connection?
If you’re currently experiencing a hard patch in your relationship, know that you’re not alone. Relationships are hard work for all of us. If you’re needing more support in your life, please reach out to your doctor or a therapist in your area. I’m sending lots of love and support your way as you navigate the ups and downs in your relationship.