You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life.

– Zig Ziglar

Do you feel like you have some social anxiety about big events in your life? Some level of nervousness is normal for all of us, and many of us fall some place on the social anxiety scale from mild to moderate to severe.

Some of this may be because of our personality traits, introversion versus extroversion, being shy versus outgoing, not enjoying the spotlight versus seeking out attention, and so forth.

I’ve noticed in my own life that there’s usually some level of anxiety before, during and after a big event. I’ve heard similar stories from the women I work with in my counseling private practice as well.

The following are some social anxiety observations before, during and after a big event.

Ways social anxiety may show up BEFORE a big event:

1. Overthinking what’s to come.
2. Having heightened expectations for the event.
3. Constant worry about the event.
4. Intrusive thoughts about the event.
5. Super focusing on minute details such as what to wear, what to say, etc.
6. Trying to control your part in the upcoming event.
7. Having a set plan for the event so you feel more comfortable.
8. Self-critical thoughts about what you may say or do wrong or ways you may embarrass yourself or others at this event.
9. A great need for emotional support from others.
10. Looking for reassurance from others that everything will be fine.
11. Wondering if there’s a way to get out of going to this event altogether.

Ways social anxiety may show up DURING a big event:

1. Critical self-talk about how you’re interacting with others.
2. Overthinking how the actual event is going.
3. Comparing your expectations to the reality of the event.
4. A constant state of worry about messing up, not saying or doing the “correct” thing, etc.
5. Wondering if you’re connecting well with others.
6. Comparing your dress, appearance, conversation skills, etc. to other guests.
7. Trying to control the current environment to feel more comfortable.
8. Feeling overwhelmed if your set plans for the event do not come to fruition.
9. A continued need for emotional support.
10. Looking for external validation from others that everything is okay.
11. Wondering why you’re even at the event in the first place.

Ways (social) anxiety may show up AFTER an event:

1. Overthinking what was said and done.
2. Sadness over your expectations not being the reality of the event.
3. Critical self-talk about things that went wrong.
4. Wondering if you really fit in at the event.
5. Trying to gain a sense of control over your current environment by focusing on cleanliness, organization, wanting people act a certain way, etc.
6. Wondering what people really thought of you.
7. A continued need for emotional support.
8. Validation from others that the event really did go well.
9. Wondering if you really needed to attend the event after all.
10. Planning how to make the next big event better, more perfect, with less (perceived) mistakes on your part, etc.
11. Your worry being transferred to the next big, upcoming event.

Wow, that’s a lot of time and energy spent on one event, right? What happens is that if we don’t have insight into our own anxiety cycles, this anxiety can rob us of the joy associated with the big event itself.

If you’re spending too much time in your head stressing out about the social events in your life, you’re not able to be fully present. Find a great therapist to help you work through this anxiety; don’t let anxiety steal your joy!