If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.

-Mary Engelbreit

Do you feel like you normally have some social anxiety surrounding social events in your life? Some level of nervousness is normal for all of us, and many of us fall some place on the social anxiety scale from mild to moderate to severe. Some of this may be because of our personality traits, introversion versus extroversion, being shy versus outgoing, not enjoying the spotlight versus seeking out attention, and so forth.

However, when you add in the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, all normalcy has gone out the window this past year. Even if you’re fully vaccinated, as moms, we may still have heightened anxiety around socializing because our kids aren’t fully vaccinated and herd immunity has yet to happen.

When you do decide to do something outside of your normal routine over the past year, know that anxiety will probably show up in creative ways before, during, and even after the social event you’re attending.

Ways social anxiety may show up BEFORE a big event:

1. Overthinking what’s to come.
2. Having heightened expectations for the event.
3. Constant worry about the event.
4. Intrusive thoughts about the event.
5. Super focusing on minute details such as what to wear, what to say, etc.
6. Trying to control your part in the upcoming event.
7. Having a set plan for the event so you feel more comfortable.
8. Self-critical thoughts about what you may say or do wrong or ways you may embarrass yourself or others at this event.
9. A great need for emotional support from others.
10. Looking for reassurance from others that everything will be fine.
11. Wondering if there’s a way to get out of going to this event altogether.

Would you add anything to this list?

Ways social anxiety may show up DURING a big event:

1. Critical self-talk about how you’re interacting with others.
2. Overthinking how the actual event is going.
3. Comparing your expectations to the reality of the event.
4. A constant state of worry about messing up, not saying or doing the “correct” thing, etc.
5. Wondering if you’re connecting well with others.
6. Comparing your dress, appearance, conversation skills, etc. to other guests.
7. Trying to control the current environment to feel more comfortable.
8. Feeling overwhelmed if your set plans for the event do not come to fruition.
9. A continued need for emotional support.
10. Looking for external validation from others that everything is okay.
11. Wondering why you’re even at the event in the first place.

What would you add to this list?

Ways anxiety may show up AFTER an event:

1. Overthinking what was said and done.
2. Sadness over your expectations not being the reality of the event.
3. Critical self-talk about things that went wrong.
4. Wondering if you really fit in at the event.
5. Trying to gain a sense of control over your current environment by focusing on cleanliness, organization, wanting people act a certain way, etc.
6. Wondering what people reallythought of you.
7. A continued need for emotional support.
8. Validation from others that the event really did go well.
9. Wondering if you really needed to attend the event after all.
10. Planning how to make the next big event better, more perfect, with less (perceived) mistakes on your part, etc.
11. Your worry being transferred to the next big, upcoming event.

Did I forget anything here?

Wow, that’s a lot of time and energy spent on one social event, right? Things that used to feel so normal for us, can now be plagued by anxiety because of the ongoing pandemic. And, if we don’t have insight into our own anxiety cycles, this anxiety can rob us of the joy associated with upcoming social events.

If you feel like you’re spending too much time in your head stressing out about scheduled events in your life, you may want to find a great therapist to help you work through this anxiety. Don’t let anxiety steal your joy!

Relieve Anxiety